It’s now post-holiday as I write this blog. Family get-togethers are history, treats all consumed and the New Year has arrived with the usual Toronto winter bluster. This is a great time to reflect and analyze what worked and didn’t work last year and perhaps implement a few behavioral changes for 2018. Over the holidays, I found myself involved in many cocktail discussions either out at public events or at friends’ homes and I noticed a shift in the quality of conversation this year. No, it wasn’t the topics, which are fun and easy to procure given the politics of the day. It was the participation and exchange of ideas that seemed to be lacking.
It’s said that you always learn more if you can use active listening skills, so I was looking forward to some quality conversation while I practice. However, I found it difficult because of untethered interruption from others. While we all want to promote our ideas and points particularly around the boardroom table, I found that many people this year just butt into the conversation with their ideas and points without waiting for a good opportunity to involve themselves or really understand the points. Some shouted their way in and then abruptly left after their short and poorly crafted interjection. Others showed no concern for quality or balance…in fact no attempt to solicit quality ideas or comments, simply a high spirited point or comment that sometimes offended the other parties. I began to question: Is no one practicing active listening out there? And, perhaps even more alarming, is quality conversation lost?
Having spent a large amount of time in my career facilitating large groups I know the value of a thoughtful and well-facilitated discussion. I can say with confidence that the “thoughtful” factor is missing frequently these days. Perhaps some traditional methods to ensure input and well thought out discussion need to be reintroduced by those of us who appreciate facilitative leadership. One executive leader I particularly enjoyed working with frequently used a “talking stick” when she knew a discussion needed a variety of balanced input. This ensured there was a high-quality discussion at the President’s table when evaluating options and plans to move the organization forward.
I have reminded myself to consider that everybody out there is doing what makes sense to them based on their own thinking. Moving forward, I will choose to be curious about the circumstances and ideas that lead to a person’s point of view and actions. For others, perhaps I can use some inanimate object as a temporary gift signifying control of the conversation. Risky, but valuable maybe. I worry that it may be interpreted by the “interrupters” as too negative or time wasting, but if it is, I’m fine with their likely action – a fast departure. The conversation will likely have a better ending!
